Dear Freddie
by HugsandBugsSmileyface
Summary: "Dear Freddie, U suck. Sincerly, Sam." "Dear Sam, Likewise. Sincerly, Freddie. Freddie's inbox has some...interseting things on it. Chapter 4 now up! I like these, so I decided to make more. Hence, Chapter 4. SEDDIE REVIEW!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer:iNoOwn!

**Dear Sam,**

**Did you take my laptop and pour blue-cheese dressing on it? I hope you realize you're going to pay for it.**

**Sincerly,**

**Freddie B.**

**Dear Freddork,**

**I did no such thing.**

**Sincerly,**

**Sam.**

**Dear Carly,**

**Is Sam still going to that teen therapist to discuss her anger issues? She poured blue-cheese dressing on top of my new Devaglio laptop.**

**Sincerly,**

**Freddie.**

**Dear Freddork,**

**U suck hard.**

**Sincerly,**

**Sam.**

**Dear Sam,**

**Likewise.**

**Sincerly,**

**Freddie.**

**Dear Freddie,**

**No, not anymore. She threw a bottle of Peppy Cola and her therapists' head and he ended up in the hospital. Needless to say, she was not allowed to return.**

**Sincerly,**

**Carly.**

**Dear Freddie,**

**Did you remember to apply your ointment? Remember, Mommy loves you!**

**Sincerly,**

**Mom.**

**Dear Freddie,**

** YOU'VE GOT SOME EXPLAINING TO DO! PLEASE TELL ME WHY I FOUND YOU AND SAM PUCKETT MAKING OUT ON MY COUCH!**

**Sincerly,**

**Spencer.**

**Dear Spencer,**

**I don't know what you're talking about.**

**Sincerly,**

**Freddie. Dear Freddork,**

**Do you think he bought it?**

**Sincerly,**

**Sam.**

**Dear Sam,**

**I don't know. But you still owe me for a blue-cheese dressing'd laptop. I'll take your kisses as payment.**

**Sincerly,**

**Freddie.**

**Dear Freddie,**

**Anytime, babe. Anytime.**

**Dear Sam,**

**I love you, Princess Puckett :)**

**Sincerly,**

**Freddie.**

**Dear Freddie,**

** Ur still a dork.**

**Sincerly,**

**Sam.**

**A/N: Well, that's it! REVIEW! **


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: And what...15 reviews later, you get another update! Lol. Ya'll seemed to want more, so...

Disclaimer: I no own.

Dear Sam,

I thought I should ask. Do you have any kind of feelings whatsoever towards Freddie?

-Carly.

Dear Carly,

You've got it all wrong. My attitude toward him lately has been nothing more than a plan, written by the invisible ninja herself, to get Freddie to buy me more meat.

-Sam.

Dear Sam,

Please explain to me how sexual innuendos will trick Freddie into buying you meat?

-Sam.

P.S., If you want free meat, all you have to do is come to my house.

Dear Carly,

Have you seen my ointment?

-Spencer.

Dear Spencer,

No.

-Carly.

Dear Marissa,

Will you please take me back?

-Lewbert.

Dear Carly,

They were not sexual innuendos.

-Sam.

Dear Carly,

QUACK QUACK!

-Mandy.

Dear Lewbert,

No.

-Marissa.

Dear Freddie,

Can you show me how to block someone from sending me messages?

-Carly.

Dear Carly,

Mandy?

-Freddie.

Dear Freddie,

Yup.

-Carly.

Dear Sam,

I'm not one to butt into your personal life, but I hope you know, your so called "job" to torment Freddie and eat Carly's food is not a 24/7 job. Come home SOMETIMES.

-Pam.

Dear Mom,

Sure, whatevs.

-Sam.

Dear Sam,

What's this I hear about you and Freddie?

-Melanie.

Dear Mel,

What is it with you and everyone else lately? I don't like Freddie!

-Sam.

Dear Sam,

Who are you trying to convince? Me or you?

-Melanie.

Dear Sam,

Of course they're sexual innuendos. You're so full of shit. You could probably talk yourself out of murder if you wanted to.

-Carly.

Dear Carly,

Did you just curse? And I am not going to become a murderer, so ii won't have to worry about that.

-Sam.

Dear Carly,

I can't come over today. You'll have to deal with Mandy for a little while longer.

-Freddie.

Dear Sam,

Are you and Freddie dating?

-Spencer.

Dear Spencer,

No.

-Sam.

Dear Sam,

Hey if you want to screw his brains out, I don't mind. Though I can see why you wouldn't want to tell Carly. She'd Freak. But if you are going to try and seduce him by using your body...go for it. I ship Seddie.

-Spencer.

Dear Spencer,

I ship Frobody. Freddie+Nobody. Also, in the future, never give me any more romantic advice.

-Sam.

Dear Sam,

Why is everyone looking at us like that. What is wrong with people?

-Freddie.

Dear Freddie,

Don't worry. I need you to come over, though. I need you to buy me some meat.

-Sam.

Dear Sam,

I'm coming. Stay there, babe.

-Freddie.

A/N: Hm...REVIEW!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I felt as if I had to do more. Note: All these facts are COMPLETELY true. Hence, they're FACTS. Lol.

Disclaimer: Really? No. I don't own.

DF DF DF DF DF

Dear Freddie,

Did you know that Adolf Hitler was a vegetarian and had only ONE testicle?

-Sam.

Dear Sam,

WTF? Where did this come from all of a sudden?

-Freddie.

Dear Freddie,

Idk. I'm sending them to everyone.

-Sam.

Dear Carly,

Did you know that rats and horses can't vomit?

-Sam.

Dear Sam,

Kindly leave me out of it. I have no desire to know about Hitler's fears of meat and his testicular abnormalities.

-Freddie.

Dear Spencer,

A shrimp's heart is in its head.

-Sam.

Dear Sam,

Gross. That's disgusting.

-Carly.

Dear Freddie,

Stop being such a pansy.

-Sam.

Dear Sam,

Is that code for something?

-Spencer.

Dear Carly,

No it's not. It's a fact.

Dear Sam,

I'm not a pansy!

-Freddie.

Dear Sam,

It's a nasty fact!

-Carly.

Dear Freddie,

Did you know that humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure?

-Sam.

Dear Spencer,

No. It's not. Just a stated fact.

-Sam.

Dear Sam,

No. I did not. Why tell me this?

-Freddie.

Dear Gibby,

A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

-Sam.

Dear Freddie,

Well...I want you to come over. :)

-Sam.

Dear Sam,

WTF?

-Gibby.

Dear Sam,

No. The last time we did that your mother walked in on us. No way. It was embarrassing enough the first time!

-Freddie.

Dear Freddie,

How on earth was our time together "embarrassing"?

-Sam.

Dear Carly,

It is physically impossible for a pig to look up at the sky.

-Sam.

Dear Sam,

You had to ask your own mother for a condom. That's all I'm going to say on the matter.

-Freddie.

Dear Freddie,

Whatever. It's not like she didn't know we were doing it.

-Sam.

Dear Sam,

Ok? I don't care about a pig's abilities to look skyward.

-Carly.

Dear Sam,

She did? How?

-Freddie.

Dear Sam,

The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

-Spencer.

Dear Freddie,

You know me. I'm not exactly...quiet.

-Sam.

Dear Spencer,

Yeah, it only works when I do it. Don't play along, alright?

-Sam.

Dear Sam,

I'll be over in 5 minutes.

-Freddie.

Dear Freddie,

Don't keep Mama waiting, babe. It's a fact that Sam Pucketts don't have good patience.

-Sam.

A/N: Yeah, I don't know where this one came from. Lol. Also, I have a YouTube channel now. It is KittenCat2223. The only videos I have up are of me and my friends, but I think they're really funny. Go check them out. REVIEW!


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: More. I feel good...but tired. And a bit peckish.

Dear Freddie,

Oggadee Boogadee!

-Sam.

Dear Sam,

WTF?

-Freddie

Dear Sam,

I hope you know that those pictures you sent to me of Freddie were unappealing.

-Carly.

Dear Freddie,

Yeah, I dunno. I'm bored. Got any ham?

-Sam

Dear Carly,

How are they unappealing?

-Sam.

Dear Sam,

Were you trying to be cute, rhyming that last bit? And no, no ham.

-Freddie.

Dear Freddie,

pout.

-Sam.

Dear Sam,

They're his baby pictures! No one wants to see him as a little naked baby. Where did you even get them?

-Carly.

Dear Sam,

I love you.

-Freddie.

Dear Freddie,

That won't keep me from pouting.

-Sam.

Dear Sam,

Then what will?

-Freddie.

Dear Carly,

From Crazy, actually. She was all too egar to show me what Freddie was like as a baby. She told me he had the "cutest little bottom." I must say I agree.

-Sam.

Dear Freddie,

Nothing can. Pout, pout, pout!

-Sam.

Dear Freddie,

Have you started writing fanfiction? I have read some of your work. I must say I'm impressed.

-Gibby.

Dear Gibby,

Yeah, actually. Sam got me hooked on it. It's not really bad, I thought. Most of my stories are Harry Potter. Sam has immersed herself in the Mortal Instraments series. Though a good book, I don't think it's my fandom.

-Freddie.

Dear Freddie,

Geez. I didn't need a novel.

-Gibby.

Dear Freddie,

Has Gibby read your Potter Puke?

-Sam.

Dear Sam,

Harry Potter is an awesome book, as you well know. Hush.

-Freddie.

Dear Freddork,

I know. I love it too. But when you write it, it makes it sound gay.

-Sam.

Dear Sam,

...duh. It's slash.

-Freddie.

Dear Freddie,

Anything you'd like to tell me?

-Sam.

Dear Sam,

I love you?

-Freddie.

Dear Freddie,

Good nerd. I've trained you well.

-Sam.

Dear Freddie,

Guess what?

-Sam.

Dear Sam,

What?

-Freddie.

Dear Freddie,

I've found a new fandom.

-Sam.

Dear Sam,

Really? What is it?

-Freddie.

Dear Freddie,

Carebears.

-Sam.

Dear Sam,

WTF?

-Freddie.

Dear Freddie,

DON'T READ SAM'S NEW STORIES! THE CAREBEAR FANFICTIONS SHE WRITES ARE GORE. I'M WARNING YOU DUDE! I'VE NEVER READ ANYTHING SO GRAPHIC!

-Gibby.

Dear Gibby,

It's okay. I didn't, don't plan to, and won't.

-Freddie.

Dear Freddie,

ABCDEFG, CARE BEARS ARE CHASING THEE. ONE IS RED AND ONE IS BLUE. ONE IS PEEING ON YOUR SHOE. NOW YOU RUN FOR YOU LIFE. SUNSHINE BEAR HAS A KNIFE.

-Sam.

A/N: LOL! REVIEW!


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